Blog 50 Going back into civilian life

( I had just turned 27 years old when I got home. Though I was happy, I was a fish out of water.)

I stayed with Mary and her husband, Bill, and their son, Jeremy until I found an apartment. My bedroom was their step-down garage that came off the kitchen. This one restroom was about fifteen yards away from me in this small hall. I shared it with Jeremy. The room only had one plug and one light switch from the kitchen. (Man, it was dark in there, even during the day. I knew I would not be there for long!).

I got a job at Presbyterian Hospital of Dallas. I had been apartment shopping while waiting for my paycheck to cover the move. It did not take much time. I kept working out and I found a YMCA real close to their house and my apartment. Though Mary and Bill would work out some days, I found workout partners to help me. One of them was big on using steroids and his favorite choice was testosterone shots.

This guy was really pumped, but did not like giving himself shots. So when he found out I gave shots daily, he asked me to give them to him and, in turn, he would help me as my weight guide. He was nice looking, but young. I was uncomfortable giving him shots, but I did. One day, he brought me a bottle of testosterone liquid for myself. I was unsure about it, but I wanted to bulk more. I tried it and immediately could feel my energy level lift.

I told my doctor from my department and he gave me many reasons why not to use it. That night, I gave the guy the bottle back and told him he should not be doing it either. However, he wanted to still take it, so for a couple of more times I did give them to him. But, I insisted that I would not do it again. I suppose he understood because we stayed workout partners.

(Returning to old habits)

It did not take long for me to go back to my habits before I left. It was like I never left, but just got older. I worked out for about six months before it became more of a nuisance than a workout.

I did go back to my old church and they had a volleyball team, and my oldest brother seemed in charge of it. But, I did find that having a beer after work relaxed me and on the weekends, I did more than that. I could control my drinking most of the time, but, again, I was trying to find partners no matter who they were, but being as careful as I could. Having my own apartment made it easy to do as I wished and come and go at my discretion.

I managed to keep active with the singles group from the church and met a few new friends. There was a girl that mostly sat and watched everyone else, and for the first few times, I did the same thing. We would talk and one night she asked me to go with them out to eat and fellowship. I accepted and a new friendship began.

The girl told me that she had dated my brother a few times, which automatically turned off all sensors for a relationship. (that has always been a rule of mine to never date someone that had been with either of my brothers.) But, in our talks, she pointed out that I reminded her of a good friend and that she wanted me to meet him. He was having his twenty-second birthday and she wanted me to go with her to the party he was having to celebrate. Curious enough, I accepted.

The party was at a steak house that had a dance floor, and she told me he was a great dancer. I was nervous because I really did not eat steaks, nor danced country-style. But, the minute we walked in, it was liked his and my eyes locked and I knew that this was the guy and something inside me told me that he was going to be part of my life. (He claims the same thing happened to him.)

When we got to their table, we immediately introduced ourselves and the girl and I went around the table shaking hands with everyone. We finally stopped at the end of the table and sat down. It was only moments that her friend, Robert, came down and sat with us. During our talk, our eyes could not quit locking together and I was feeling really different. Robert told us that about half the table was family and the other half was his school friends.

(A new phase of my life started that night)

The girl was giving us examples of the many things that we both liked, but, luckily, we had a lot of things that were different. Robert and I were both the youngest child of five children. He had a brother and three sisters and I was the youngest of three boys and two girls. We were both seven years apart from our eldest sibling. We both grew up on the same side of Dallas, finding that our families both participated in the Salvation Army and he had a sister that was a cheerleader for the team I played on.

Robert and I both had funny senses of humor, loved music, but he danced and liked country music and I did not. I was able to watch him dance that night many times and he had a girl that between them, could clear a dance floor so people could watch them. (That excited me.) He was very good looking, really made me comfortable being there that night. When the party was over, he and the girl stuck around and we made plans to get together (the three of us) at another date.

I was very vulnerable and yet, conflicted about my life and where this new friendship may lead. For the next couple of weeks, we all three went out partying and then on the third time, Robert came back to my house by himself. This is where things changed. We told each other about our pasts and our struggle with what to do as Christians, as well as, how we felt about each other. People may assume all they want, but we decided to be careful about our feelings and to concentrate on helping each other to be better Christians.

Robert was still living at home with his parents about thirty to forty minutes away from my apartment and both our jobs. More and more he began staying the night with me, but I did have a second bedroom. After we would go out with the girl, he would always follow me back to the apartment. It was very hard keeping things platonic but, to the dismay of skeptics, not much happened between us. It was almost like how I treated the women I dated that I thought things might get serious.

(Blog 51 My very confusing years)